The Reason
by annied01
Summary: "I did it for so many reasons, Sirius," she whispered. "And now I'm just trying to find a reason to stop." / QLFC Season 3, Round 11. Oneshot.


_()()()_

 _A kingdom of isolation,_

 _And it looks like I'm the Queen_

 _()()()_

It was December of their fourth year at Hogwarts when Sirius cornered Marlene at the Gryffindor Christmas party.

"Well look who it is," he drawled, leaning in close to her. "It's Marls, all alone at Christmas," Sirius pretended to look sad for a moment, but the twitching corners of his mouth betrayed him. "I can help with that," he whispered, winking.

She pushed him away, jokily. "My friends are over there," she told him, gesturing to them. "I'm not alone, thanks."

Sirius locked eyes with her, his handsome face almost serious for once. "You know that's not what I meant," he said quietly. Then, before she could reply, he had pressed his lips against hers.

It was such a shock that Marlene didn't know what to do for a moment. She'd never kissed anyone before! At least not the way Sirius did.

Hell, _nobody_ kissed the way Sirius did. She had to forcibly stop herself letting out an audible sigh.

They were already close to the wall, so it wasn't too hard for Sirius to pull her around and push her up against it. All of her thoughts had stopped for that minute, but when his hand slipped under her top, she started thinking again and pushed him away roughly, staring at him in disgust. "What the _hell_ was that?" she asked angrily, looking around quickly to check nobody had seen. Thankfully, it hadn't seemed to cause much of a disturbance – snogging was a common part of these parties, after all.

Sirius laughed. "Don't get angry with me, Marls," he said, sliding a hand around her waist and pulling her in. She glared at him and slipped out of his grasp. At this, Sirius began to look annoyed. "What's wrong with you?" he asked roughly, reaching out for her again. Marlene almost let him, until he said, "I'm making you look good."

She froze. He froze. For a moment, it seemed like the whole party had frozen. " _Excuse_ me?" she asked slowly.

Realising he had messed up, Sirius anxiously ran a hand through his long brown hair and sighed. "Come on, honey," he said, forcing a laugh. "We both know you need to take what you can get. If I were you, I'd be jumping for the chance to actually interest someone for once."

Marlene's eyes were blazing with anger. "Are you saying that you don't think any guys _like_ me?" she asked, and something about her expression made even Sirius start to squirm. He held fast, though – if he wanted his plan to work, he had to stay on top.

"Of course that's what I'm saying," he told her, as nonchalantly as he could. "What, are you stupid as well as ugly?"

The last thing he saw before Marlene stormed off was a fist connecting to his face with a sickeningly satisfying _crunch_.

"Well _that_ could have gone better," he grumbled under his breath as he slinked off to find the Marauders.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Sirius was picking at his scrambled eggs when Marlene walked in. James nudged his shoulder and pointed at the door, and Sirius followed his gaze. His jaw dropped.

Marlene flounced in, her arm wrapped around the waist of a boy, who in turn had his arm flung over her shoulders. They reached the Gryffindor table, and Marlene pulled him down and kissed him deeply before he went off to the Hufflepuff table.

Sirius stared. James stared. It seemed like everybody in the Great Hall stared. "What you said must have really got to her," James muttered.

"No kidding," Sirius said, unable to look away as she stuck her middle finger up at him and sat down next to her friends.

* * *

"Hey there, handsome," Marlene purred as she sidled up to a Ravenclaw boy in a deserted corridor a few days later.

As usual, the boy let her kiss him into submission without a protest, and seemed eager to be led back to her Common Room.

When they got to the portrait hole, she waited a moment before entering to ensure his hand was fixed around her waist.

The looks Marlene had received the first time she brought a boy home were nothing short of incredulous, but after almost a week of it, they barely spared her a glance as she kicked the door closed and led the boy to the staircase.

Except for Sirius. He stared at her all the way across the common room, his eyes narrowed and filled with what almost looked like pity.

Marlene ignored him, and continued to the staircase. She knew that boys weren't allowed up – she'd figured that out on her first 'date'. But this was more for show than anything else. So at the foot of the stairs, Marlene bid the boy goodnight, who looked extremely reluctant to let her go. Then she kissed him, deeply and softly, before turning and walking up the staircase. Before she left Sirius' sight, however, Marlene paused to smirk at him. Her stomach churned unhappily, however, when she saw the sadness in his expression.

* * *

It had been almost five months since the night Sirius had kissed her, and Marlene was still going strong with her mission. She was determined to prove him wrong, and nothing would stop her. So, of course, Marlene had decided that she had to date the entire male population of Hogwarts. After countless three-day relationships that were little more than a few frantic snogging and groping sessions, Marlene was beginning to feel worse off than when she'd started.

It wasn't the fact that she was being very intimate with almost total strangers on a daily basis that bothered her. Other girls may have had moral qualms about this, but it didn't really bother Marlene, and she didn't pretend otherwise. If they had been exploiting her, she may have felt differently. But since she was the one using all of them to get back at Sirius, Marlene thought it was only fair that they got something good out of it, too.

However, there was still something extremely unsatisfying about having so many meaningless relationships in such a short period of time. Marlene had been expecting to feel powerful; wanted; _important_. Instead, she found herself feeling deprived and lonely. It didn't help that since she had begun her rampage of boys, all of her friends had begun to spend less and less time with her.

They didn't say it in as many words, but Marlene knew they were disgusted at her. After not having a boyfriend for the first three years of Hogwarts, it was a huge leap to go from boy to boy, without a break, for so long.

But the Boy Rampage, as her friends called it, had consumed Marlene. She didn't go a night without meeting up with a boy – resorting to one she'd already snogged if there was no fresh meat around. Her homework was left to the morning before, or not done at all.

"How is she still finding willing boys?" James asked incredulously one morning as Marlene came down with yet another boy on her arm. Sirius couldn't help but wonder if she'd met him this morning, or if they'd spent the night together… Not that he let himself think that for long.

He sighed into his cereal and James leaned in close to him, his face serious. "Mate, you've ruined this girl," he told Sirius matter-of-factly. "So either leave her alone to sort her life out, or go over there and fix her. You're either done with her, or you're going to fight for her. Because so far, all you've done is make her feel lonely, unloved and insecure, then you just _let_ her lose all of her dignity just to get back at you!"

Sirius nodded glumly. "I don't think she's even doing it just to get back at me anymore though," he muttered. James raised an eyebrow. "Just _look_ at her!" Sirius cried, pointing at Marlene, who was writhing against the wall with the boy from earlier. "She's in too far, now," he said seriously. "I don't think she could stop, even if she wanted to. It's consumed her."

"That's _exactly_ right," said a voice by Sirius' shoulder. He turned around to find Dorcas Meadowes, one of Marlene's close friends. She took a seat next to him without being asked, and immediately launched into what sounded like a well-rehearsed speech. "Marlene has been a dear friend of mine for a very long time, now," she began confidently. "But I am sure that even those who are strangers to Marlene will have noticed the recent change in her, concerning her relationship with boys. Before this year, not only had she been in a relationship at this school, but she had not ever shown an interest in them or a desire to begin one. As I'm sure you have realised, this has all changed now."

She glared at Sirius before continuing. "We believe that the great Boy Rampage was begun due to Sirius suggesting that the reason she stayed single was because she was undesirable. While this is, of course, untrue, Marlene appears to have taken the insult strongly. At the beginning, she just wanted to prove Sirius wrong. However, we believe it has evolved from its once almost noble purpose, to become something much more disturbing."

Dorcas sighed wearily and slouched down in the chair. She lost her pompous manner as she began talking again. "Marlene has lost it," she said simply. "Sirius was right, with what he said a minute ago. She's not doing it to prove a point anymore. She's doing it because she doesn't know how to stop," she stared right at Sirius as she said, "And we need _you_ to fix it."

James looked interested as he said, "What's your plan?"

"We just need Marlene to see some _proper_ love," Dorcas told them. "If Sirius gets her in a proper relationship, then it will calm her down and she can just focus on the one boy."

Sirius shook his head. "You're crazy," he said. "I know Marlene's been acting up, but you can't expect _me_ to be able to do anything about it. She's shut me out. The only reason she ever looks at me is to smirk and show off her latest conquest. Even if I agreed to try, there's no way in _hell_ Marlene would go out with me."

Dorcas' eyes widened. "I never said she had to go out with _you_ ," she said. "But it seems that's the first possibility your mind jumped to. It's settled, then. Go out with her, Sirius. I know you want to."

"You're not _listening_!" Sirius cried angrily. "Yes, okay, _maybe_ I'd like to go out with her," he conceded, "But she isn't interested in me! She hates me! She's dating these guys to _spite_ me."

James had to resist the urge to bang his head on the table in frustration. "Sirius, she's doing it because she _likes_ you!" he cried exasperatedly.

Sirius froze. "What?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Marlene likes you, genius," Dorcas laughed.

Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "But that doesn't make any sense. Why would she go out with lots of people if she actually likes _me?_ Why would she rebuke my kisses if she's into me? It doesn't make any sense."

"Women are made to be loved, not understood," Dorcas told him wisely. "I'm her best friend, and if I tell you that she likes you, then she likes you, okay? Trust me."

James nodded along with Dorcas. "Listen to her, mate," he told Sirius.

His legs shaking, Sirius stood up. His mind was screaming, _what are you doing? Sit back down, you idiot!_ But his legs weren't listening. They carried him of their own accord, over to where Marlene and the boy were. He could hear James and Dorcas yelling that they didn't mean do something right that minute; that he should wait for a private moment.

Sirius had already reached Marlene, though, and it was too late to turn back. "Marlene," he said hoarsely. Marlene gently nudged the boy away, and he pulled his hands out from under her robes and stepped to the side, eyeing Sirius up warily.

"Sirius," she replied hesitantly.

He gestured to the door. "Can we step outside for a moment?" he asked. Marlene looked back once at the other boy, then nodded reluctantly.

They had barely made it outside the door when Marlene broke down crying. She fell against Sirius and sobbed into his shirt. Sirius was taken aback and took a few moments to realise he needed to comfort her.

"There, there," he said as he awkwardly rubbed her back. "It's alright, let it out."

"Sirius, I'm so alone," she moaned.

Sirius frowned. Maybe she had been before, but Marlene was certainly not alone now. It appeared she had the entire male population of Hogwarts ready to go at any time – he would call that the opposite of alone. "Don't be ridiculous," he told her. "You have all of the guys, now."

Marlene shook her head angrily. "No, I don't," she said, her tears breaking up the words so much that Sirius could barely understand her. "All I have is snogs. They're only here for me if I let them feel me up, and I thought I was okay with that, but…" Sirius patted her hair and whispered for her to go on when she paused. "But I'm _not_ okay with that," she finished, crying even more forcefully.

"What is it you want, Marlene?" Sirius asked gently. "Just tell me what the problem is, and tell me what you want."

Marlene thought. "I don't want to be alone anymore," she said eventually. She had got her sobs mostly under control, and Sirius had no difficulty working out what she was saying anymore. "I was just trying to prove you wrong when I started my Boy Rampage, but I just made myself feel even more lonely. I trapped myself and I want to _escape_. If isolation was a place, I would be the Queen," she said, laughing weakly.

"A kingdom of isolation," Sirius added, trying to laugh but only managing a strained chuckle.

Nodding glumly, Marlene let go of Sirius' shirt and leaned against the wall instead. Sirius moved next to her and put an arm around her shoulders; he told himself it was just to comfort her, but he couldn't ignore the spark that lit up his whole body when he touched her. Already, he was missing the feeling of her pressed against him. "Why did you do it, Marlene?" he asked quietly.

Marlene hung her head. "I did it to prove you wrong," she said. "I did it so make myself feel better. I did it so you wouldn't think I was pathetic," she looked up into his eyes. "I did it to make you jealous."

Sirius swore his heart stopped beating for a second.

"I did it for so many reasons, Sirius," she whispered. "And now I'm just trying to find a reason to stop."

In that moment, Marlene looked so sad that Sirius wanted to scoop her up in his arms and put her to bed. He wanted more than anything to save her from the kingdom of isolation she trapped herself in, and he didn't want to spend another second seeing her upset. His heart hammering in his chest, he leant in and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek. His lips lingered a centimetre from her skin and she felt his breath on her face as he whispered, "Let me be the reason."

* * *

 _Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Round 11_

 _Team: Holyhead Harpies_

 _Position: Beater 1_

 _Task: Base your fic on a line from Let it Go by Idina Menzel (my chosen line at the start of the fic)_

 _Prompts Used:_

 _(word) determined_

 _(quote) 'Women are made to be loved, not understood.' - Oscar Wilde_

 _Word Count: 2,604_


End file.
